Monday, March 7, 2011
music of the hour(only for today)
So my music of the hour is Timbaland ft Drake say something. Why because of me and previous ex issues. My ex we will call him James. We dated for a year back in high school and he cheated on me for various reasons on girls most people would consider a downgrade but whose passing judgments. Everyones beautiful in there own way. I feel like you should never ever hold a grudge on anyone but I just HATED his guts for the past almost 7 years. He broke my heart played my feelings and even tried to dog me out throughout high school even though I never ever talked to him a day since we had broken up until recently. I know hate is a strong word but I HATED him with the strongest passion because I never knew the reason why we broke up. His sorry lame excuse is because he was scared of commitment. We were in the 9th grade who was looking to get married in the first place. I just wanted some since of honesty and not to bull shit with me about every little thing. If you cheated damn it say you cheated don't bull shit with me about the situation. I would be more understanding about the situation instead of hearing it from my girls and going upside your damn head for lying to me about the situation. Now he wants to be buddy buddy with me and my girls. I one day saw him in the club and he claims to be in the crew with the guys from a previous blog post and hes telling me that I cant talk to his friends cause he doesn't want to hear my mouth about why didn't he tell me his friends where this way or that way. I say who has to know that I even talk to his friends until its something serious. Now that John sees me he always wants to hang out be cool and be buddy buddy and my friend says I should get back with him. I refuse to be his play toy yet again no matter how much he says hes changed. Hes an ex for a reason so say something is dedicated to him because hes talking about getting engaged to some girl but he still talks to so many girls and wont answer my question when I ask him has he cheated. Hes constantly smiling in my face and always wanting to see me so I mean you obviously want something from me so "imma need you to say something" instead of playing the bitch role for the rest of your life hun. I'm a girl with a lot of demands and because you see me flossing now you obviously want something from me that you will never have. I'm tired of having guys play back line. BE A MAN AND SPEAK UP FOR ONCE! Just say something.......
Confidence.......
So this blog is dedicated to one of my friends which I know she will read it.
Everyone is put on this Earth for a reason weather you know it or not. We are not always the most beautiful people in the world but we all hold our head high and live life like no tomorrow. No one in this world has the right to be judgmental because we all have flaws. Some flaws are worse then others but we all live with it. I can't say I haven't judged people in the past but I have but I don't claim to be the baddest bitch around. I'm me until the death of it. I hold my head high I laugh, live, and smile like theres no tomorrow. I feel as though no matter how unhappy I am with myself or whoever else is unhappy with me I say fuck there feelings. I say this because you never know how many people are watching you. People will pick on you to see you frown or to see you unhappy. Most people in live will thrive on your unhappiness but its up to you to let them thrive off of it. The way I personally carry myself is fuck you and your feelings because I know everyone has something negative to say about you weather its bad or good. I take compliments as ego boosters. So if you tell me I'm beautiful then thats how I feel fuck the next person who says I'm not. I know we all go through things in life that make us afraid of things in life. But as we get older and grow up we find out those are the things our parents make us fear to keep you in your place as a child. If you choose to still be afraid of that then its on you. We are adults now so we choose what we can and cant be afraid of. I've come to the realization that fear is just an emotion that I will no longer let anyone put in my heart. I will be strong I will put myself above the rest because I've been through things people my age should never go through and I'd wish it on no one. So from my experiences I decide to keep my life as a joyous experience and laugh as much as possible while doing everything I could ever enjoy.
Everyone is put on this Earth for a reason weather you know it or not. We are not always the most beautiful people in the world but we all hold our head high and live life like no tomorrow. No one in this world has the right to be judgmental because we all have flaws. Some flaws are worse then others but we all live with it. I can't say I haven't judged people in the past but I have but I don't claim to be the baddest bitch around. I'm me until the death of it. I hold my head high I laugh, live, and smile like theres no tomorrow. I feel as though no matter how unhappy I am with myself or whoever else is unhappy with me I say fuck there feelings. I say this because you never know how many people are watching you. People will pick on you to see you frown or to see you unhappy. Most people in live will thrive on your unhappiness but its up to you to let them thrive off of it. The way I personally carry myself is fuck you and your feelings because I know everyone has something negative to say about you weather its bad or good. I take compliments as ego boosters. So if you tell me I'm beautiful then thats how I feel fuck the next person who says I'm not. I know we all go through things in life that make us afraid of things in life. But as we get older and grow up we find out those are the things our parents make us fear to keep you in your place as a child. If you choose to still be afraid of that then its on you. We are adults now so we choose what we can and cant be afraid of. I've come to the realization that fear is just an emotion that I will no longer let anyone put in my heart. I will be strong I will put myself above the rest because I've been through things people my age should never go through and I'd wish it on no one. So from my experiences I decide to keep my life as a joyous experience and laugh as much as possible while doing everything I could ever enjoy.
Music of the hour.....
So I've mentioned a billion of times guys make me nervous but I feel like everyone should mention how they feel. Weather the feeling is sexual non sexual or what not you should always say it. I feel like If you feel a certain way you should let them know. No matter how nervous I am around you I tell it how it is. Sometimes its a little vulgar for the occasion but ask me do I care lol. This is why floetry say yes is another song of the hour. No matter what you feel you should say how you feel if you want a relationship friendship or anything for that matter to work. Not many people are fond of there emotions which they should be. Iv'e made many mistakes on not speaking up on feelings that I let the one I wanted get away. If its someone you want to be with nomatter the surroundings whatever you say should not matter.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Decisions.........
Life is full of decisions and what you make them right?
So why is it that decisions about guys makes things so hard?
Ok so like I've stated sooooooo many times before..... I like to keep my options open. Right! About that is whats making these decisions so hard. So I'm interested in like 3 or 4 guys. I can't say I've come up with a lineup for them yet because I'm still trying to feel these situations out. I know I'm a very personal person when it comes to these matters, and the only people who know this are the exact people who this is about. So heres the story(in no type of order):
Guy 1: I met him in the club......yes i said the CLUB! *confused face* You know how you say "I'd never hook up with someone I met in the club" well here it is. When I saw him I was like yeah ok whatever he's cute. Me and my shyness/big mouth said hmph! I'll just keep my mouth closed because thats not my character to speak to some random guy first. Here he comes running his big mouth talking about all yall are cute but I want to talk to you. FLAG ON THE PLAY say what!! Why me? Out of all the chicks in the club. So he says "come talk to me by the bar". So me being hesitant and cautious I stayed in plain view of my girls. I gave him my number and about a day or two passed. No text or call *twisted face*. So he text me and says (I'm giving him a fake name lol) "yo this is Dave" so we talk for awhile until my phone got cut off cause I had to help the family pay some bills. So the following Friday I run into him at the club again. This time he decides he wants to be all under me which I guess is cool cause we been talking daily and then he doesn't hear from me for a week. I guess hes missing me so we danced and after awhile he went to get a drink from the bar and thats when my girls decide its a good time to dip. So yes I left him without saying bye. Skipping up to now we've been talking for about a good month now and the issue is now sex! I have never seen him outside the club and when we talk its always about me. So I hardly know this guy or where is heads at or who he really is as a person. This is a issue with me he wants to be with me but I barely know him as a person. Thats my decision with me and Dave.
Guy 2: Dare I say this I met him on oovoo. Just one random day I had a request from him and I accepted and we've been video chatting since. You can judge me all you want but this is my life so I say fuck what you or anyone else thinks of my decisions. So moving on he's a cutie yes and hes from Barbados. He wants me to come visit him and he has even offered to pay for the trip. I'm told him it was sweet of him to offer but I'm not one of those gold digging girls so I denied and I want to find my own way. I'm hesitant because I want my girls to come with. I'd never go anywhere without bringing someone with me, especially another country. Issue is my girls always bring up the money issue when planing ANY trip. So either I go alone or don't go at all but making that trip would one be dangerous cause I'd have no clue where I am and two because I'm ALONE! So this is the issue with second guy.
Guy 3:The I never got a chance cause I was too shy now your engaged case! Ugh!! I guess closed mouths never really get fed cause this ones a disaster. So I'll call him a friend now, but this guy I've had major feelings for since I met him is now engaged to some girl he met in the club that hes only talked to for now 2 months! We will call him Fred. I met Fred in tgif fridays restaurant with my bestie. Him and his friends walked over to us and hugged us like they've been knowing us for years. I guess its because they've seen us around a few times. Well me and Fred would see each other in the club on occasions. We hugged danced and occasionally talked. Being shy me around guys I never admitted my feelings to him about the situation. We chatted on facebook and everything. We always knew we liked one another but never really said much then BAM! One day this girl she was talking to one of his friends at first all loved up on well call him tom. Always smiling in tom's face and I always saw her flirting and hugged up on him. Now she wants Fred there in a relationship so I stopped seeing Fred for awhile and New Years Eve Fred screams at me "aye girl come here" like he didn't know my name. I continued walking and he beeps his horn at me and says "oh you don't know me nomore"? I stopped and talked then my bestie decided she wanted to know about there relationship. WHY ME! when he said were engaged he could see the hurt in my eyes when I walked off from him. Poor little ol me who couldn't speak up on her feelings. My issue is should I still tell him how I feel about him and this situation because its killing me to not let him know.
So this guy that we called Tom is guy 4: Yes before you say it I know its a big no no but Tom is a little more older and hes more attentive of my feelings. Yes he knows how I feel about Fred but he knows that it barely went anywhere so we might as well had been friends from the start right? Well Tom comes around a lot. He may be the oldest guy I've talked to but hes not grandpa old hes still in his 20's. He knows more of what a girl wants and hes not ashamed to show her off or give her what she wants. This is why I like him but just like with Fred I haven't perused him yet because I don't know how I feel about them being friends and knowing what I felt for Fred will just get in the way. Thats my issue with talking to tom.
I have a lot on my plate and within reading this you wont even begin to feel what I'm feeling about the situations at hand. Bigger issue is when i seen Tom Fred and Dave its all in the same room and I cant make up my mind who I want to gravitate to. Bad Bad me. I have tons of decisions to make but I will keep you guys up to date on decisions Ive made!
So why is it that decisions about guys makes things so hard?
Ok so like I've stated sooooooo many times before..... I like to keep my options open. Right! About that is whats making these decisions so hard. So I'm interested in like 3 or 4 guys. I can't say I've come up with a lineup for them yet because I'm still trying to feel these situations out. I know I'm a very personal person when it comes to these matters, and the only people who know this are the exact people who this is about. So heres the story(in no type of order):
Guy 1: I met him in the club......yes i said the CLUB! *confused face* You know how you say "I'd never hook up with someone I met in the club" well here it is. When I saw him I was like yeah ok whatever he's cute. Me and my shyness/big mouth said hmph! I'll just keep my mouth closed because thats not my character to speak to some random guy first. Here he comes running his big mouth talking about all yall are cute but I want to talk to you. FLAG ON THE PLAY say what!! Why me? Out of all the chicks in the club. So he says "come talk to me by the bar". So me being hesitant and cautious I stayed in plain view of my girls. I gave him my number and about a day or two passed. No text or call *twisted face*. So he text me and says (I'm giving him a fake name lol) "yo this is Dave" so we talk for awhile until my phone got cut off cause I had to help the family pay some bills. So the following Friday I run into him at the club again. This time he decides he wants to be all under me which I guess is cool cause we been talking daily and then he doesn't hear from me for a week. I guess hes missing me so we danced and after awhile he went to get a drink from the bar and thats when my girls decide its a good time to dip. So yes I left him without saying bye. Skipping up to now we've been talking for about a good month now and the issue is now sex! I have never seen him outside the club and when we talk its always about me. So I hardly know this guy or where is heads at or who he really is as a person. This is a issue with me he wants to be with me but I barely know him as a person. Thats my decision with me and Dave.
Guy 2: Dare I say this I met him on oovoo. Just one random day I had a request from him and I accepted and we've been video chatting since. You can judge me all you want but this is my life so I say fuck what you or anyone else thinks of my decisions. So moving on he's a cutie yes and hes from Barbados. He wants me to come visit him and he has even offered to pay for the trip. I'm told him it was sweet of him to offer but I'm not one of those gold digging girls so I denied and I want to find my own way. I'm hesitant because I want my girls to come with. I'd never go anywhere without bringing someone with me, especially another country. Issue is my girls always bring up the money issue when planing ANY trip. So either I go alone or don't go at all but making that trip would one be dangerous cause I'd have no clue where I am and two because I'm ALONE! So this is the issue with second guy.
Guy 3:The I never got a chance cause I was too shy now your engaged case! Ugh!! I guess closed mouths never really get fed cause this ones a disaster. So I'll call him a friend now, but this guy I've had major feelings for since I met him is now engaged to some girl he met in the club that hes only talked to for now 2 months! We will call him Fred. I met Fred in tgif fridays restaurant with my bestie. Him and his friends walked over to us and hugged us like they've been knowing us for years. I guess its because they've seen us around a few times. Well me and Fred would see each other in the club on occasions. We hugged danced and occasionally talked. Being shy me around guys I never admitted my feelings to him about the situation. We chatted on facebook and everything. We always knew we liked one another but never really said much then BAM! One day this girl she was talking to one of his friends at first all loved up on well call him tom. Always smiling in tom's face and I always saw her flirting and hugged up on him. Now she wants Fred there in a relationship so I stopped seeing Fred for awhile and New Years Eve Fred screams at me "aye girl come here" like he didn't know my name. I continued walking and he beeps his horn at me and says "oh you don't know me nomore"? I stopped and talked then my bestie decided she wanted to know about there relationship. WHY ME! when he said were engaged he could see the hurt in my eyes when I walked off from him. Poor little ol me who couldn't speak up on her feelings. My issue is should I still tell him how I feel about him and this situation because its killing me to not let him know.
So this guy that we called Tom is guy 4: Yes before you say it I know its a big no no but Tom is a little more older and hes more attentive of my feelings. Yes he knows how I feel about Fred but he knows that it barely went anywhere so we might as well had been friends from the start right? Well Tom comes around a lot. He may be the oldest guy I've talked to but hes not grandpa old hes still in his 20's. He knows more of what a girl wants and hes not ashamed to show her off or give her what she wants. This is why I like him but just like with Fred I haven't perused him yet because I don't know how I feel about them being friends and knowing what I felt for Fred will just get in the way. Thats my issue with talking to tom.
I have a lot on my plate and within reading this you wont even begin to feel what I'm feeling about the situations at hand. Bigger issue is when i seen Tom Fred and Dave its all in the same room and I cant make up my mind who I want to gravitate to. Bad Bad me. I have tons of decisions to make but I will keep you guys up to date on decisions Ive made!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Music of the day.........
Todays music selection is Lloyd Banks-I Don't Deserve You. Why? I recently been through somethings where I feel like I don't deserve this particular guy. We've been talking for a little while but I really feel like I am very misleading because I really don't know where I want this thing to go. When I think about it he's FAR from my average guy! I don't know what attracts me to him and I can't say I love him because I don't and we aren't even together. No! This isn't a sexual attraction or a sexual relationship. Reason why is because I don't even portray myself in that way nor do I ever want to be referred to a jump-off friends with benefits, or someones hoe. Thing is I feel like I'm in the way. He's always home doing him and I'm out having fun with my girls living the good life. I don't tell him to stay home or tell him that he can't go out and have fun. He's not wifing me up! I feel like why stop doing me and why should you stop doing you. I'm not into being a tied down girl at this point in my life. I'm still having fun living the single life and I truly couldn't tell you what I'm looking for in a relationship or what I expect to come out of one. So for this I feel like I'm in the way of stopping him from living his life like he should.
So this is my music choice of the day
Don't ever let love get in the way ppl............
i don't deserve you i don't wanna hurt you played with your mind have you running in circles don't let me get in your way (get in your way)
Who Is Cmiley?
Who is Cmiley?
-Cmiley is that chick you love to hate.
-I'm bold! I speak my mind and I don't care who likes it.
-I am outgoing and free-spirited.
-I am bold at all the wrong times.
-I have an I really don't give a fuck attitude that everyone seems to love.
-I can be shy at times(ex. talking to guys lol).
-I am a jokester who loves to see anyone and everyone happy and laughing.
-I am a consulter.
-I am tomboyish.
-I am a girly girl.
-I am brains (get your head out of the gutter)
-I am hard to get and not just playing a role
-I am a walking contradiction
-I am interesting
-I am everything you wished I wasn't
-I am very silly
-At times I am wired
-I am inspiration
The question maybe why is she referring to herself in third person? To be honest with you it's because I can. I feel like I can say what I want when I want here because this is my blog. If you don't like that you might as well stop reading here. As stated before I am a walking contradiction and I know this This is the reason why everyone loves me. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am a bad girl with good girl tendencies. If you know me you will know when to take me serious and when not to. If you don't know me by the end of the day I guarantee you will hate me. Oh well thats the life of Cmiley Nicole love me or hate me I will continue to do me!
-Cmiley is that chick you love to hate.
-I'm bold! I speak my mind and I don't care who likes it.
-I am outgoing and free-spirited.
-I am bold at all the wrong times.
-I have an I really don't give a fuck attitude that everyone seems to love.
-I can be shy at times(ex. talking to guys lol).
-I am a jokester who loves to see anyone and everyone happy and laughing.
-I am a consulter.
-I am tomboyish.
-I am a girly girl.
-I am brains (get your head out of the gutter)
-I am hard to get and not just playing a role
-I am a walking contradiction
-I am interesting
-I am everything you wished I wasn't
-I am very silly
-At times I am wired
-I am inspiration
The question maybe why is she referring to herself in third person? To be honest with you it's because I can. I feel like I can say what I want when I want here because this is my blog. If you don't like that you might as well stop reading here. As stated before I am a walking contradiction and I know this This is the reason why everyone loves me. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I am a bad girl with good girl tendencies. If you know me you will know when to take me serious and when not to. If you don't know me by the end of the day I guarantee you will hate me. Oh well thats the life of Cmiley Nicole love me or hate me I will continue to do me!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Up North swag........
YES I love this weed head to death....... Haha I love up north boys and Wiz Khalifa's swag is on point. Even though I don't smoke personally I still find his music to be somewhat relate-able. I find people don't give new artist credit where there dew. Wiz is one of them. He has everyone screaming "TAYLOR GANG OR DIE BITCH!" and I love every second of it. Wiz khalifa is going places that not many can and get away with. I'm obsessed with guys with a bunch of tattoos as you can tell. Wiz has his own little swag that he doesn't care about what people say about him smoking all the time, or the tatts on his face, down to the fact that he rocks his fro and no one can touch him. I love guys with I don't give a fuck attitudes. His carefree attitude is what attracts me so all in all I don't know him personally so I cant completely say I like him or love him but I love his music and he's good at what he does.
So with that being said my music choice of the day is Wiz Khalifa memorized hope you all enjoy!! Love it or hate it he is sexy and one of my fave new artist. Call it ratchet or whatever you like but I like what I like and you like what you like. So hop on before "you miss his plane".
So with that being said my music choice of the day is Wiz Khalifa memorized hope you all enjoy!! Love it or hate it he is sexy and one of my fave new artist. Call it ratchet or whatever you like but I like what I like and you like what you like. So hop on before "you miss his plane".
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